“I don’t want to go to jail.”
“You’re not going to go to jail. It’s totally legit.”
Kerri shrugged. “It sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.”
“It’s not a pyramid scheme,” said Erik.
“What’s a pyramid scheme?” asked Jen.
“It’s when you recruit people to join something for a fee, and that fee keeps getting funneled to the people at the top and the base keeps getting bigger and bigger, but the people at the base keep getting less and less money while the people at the top keep getting more and more money.”
“I think that was a run on sentence,” said Jen. “And it sounds like a pyramid scheme.”
“It’s not a pyramid scheme. What she failed to mention is that in a pyramid scheme, the people don’t get anything for their money. I’m offering you something for your money.”
“And what is that exactly?”
“An opportunity. I’m the only person in the world who is an expert at both juice fasts and D.I.Y. electrical engineering.”
Jen stopped him. “How do you know you’re the only one in the world?”
“Come on,” Erik replied. “Those are both odd things to be expert at. What are the odds that anyone else is expert at both?”
“He’s got us there,” said Kerri. “But, why do we care that you’re a juice fast/do it yourself electrical engineering expert?”
“I thought you’d never ask. Who is interested in juice fasts?”
“I was going to say rich, bored housewives, but OK. And who is interested in D.I.Y. electrical engineering?”
“Out of work electrical engineers?”
“No. Husbands that want to get away from their wives.”
“How do you know all this?” Jen asked.
“All of what?”
“All of it. How do you know about juice fasts and electrical engineering and who likes what?”
“I just know.”
“No. No one ‘just knows’ about juice fasts and D.I.Y. electrical engineering.”
“I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Then I’d rather you leave us alone. Do you really think we’d invest without details?”
“There was a girl.”
“Ah.” said Kerri. “Now it makes sense. She broke your heart, took everything, and now you’re looking for a quick buck. Is this the same scam she used on you?”
“What? No. This isn’t, she didn’t scam me. She was great. It was me. She was worried about her appearance, even though she looked great, and since I wanted to be supportive, when she got into juicing, I got into juicing. She lost a ton of weight, and she was still great, but I didn’t find her attractive anymore. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by saying anything, so I started spending more and more time in the shed tinkering with electronics. Before I knew it, I was obsessed. I barely noticed when she left.”
“Are you hitting on me?” asked Kerri.
“Are you hitting on me?”
“No. I just figured some good should come from my suffering. I. . .”
“Next!” shouted the woman at the counter.
“That’s me,” said Erik. “I need an answer. . .”