The last test I had to do (for now) to try to figure out what is wrong with me was a twenty-four hour urine test, because it’s important that patients are allowed to maintain their dignity. In case you don’t know, a twenty-four hour urine test is exactly what it sounds like. Instead of the small cup they give you at the doctor’s office, they give you a jug to bring home and every time you pee, you need to pee in the jug for a full day. As someone who usually pees standing up, it really wasn’t that onerous. It’s a little weird and unsatisfying not flushing afterwards, but it does save water. I would imagine it is worse for women. The worst part was the fact that I had to keep the pee refrigerated. Who knew that pee could go bad? It’s strange walking to the kitchen every time you have to go. And it’s even stranger seeing a jug of pee when you are looking for a snack.
The test also made me notice things about pee that I had never noticed before. I pee more than I had realized. The jug looked huge when I first got it, but I filled it right up. And doctors use weird terminology when talking about pee. The ones that got me were the words void and evacuate. We evacuate burning buildings. We void contracts. Pee just doesn’t seem worthy of such seriousness. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if doctors just like to mess with us.
*Thanks to my friend Joe for the idea for the title.