Questions About Diet and Exercise Answered

As we come to the end of the year, there is a lot of talk about New Year’s Resolutions, diets, weight loss, etc. I have good news for you. I know the answer to all of your questions about diet and exercise. Are you ready? Here it is. . . All of the above.

I know, I know, you’re amazed it can be so complicated. All of the daytime talk show hosts and self help authors make it seem so simple. Wait, you don’t know what I mean?  Ok, here goes:

Is obesity caused by high fructose corn syrup? Yes.

Is obesity caused by sedentary lifestyles? Sure.

Is it caused by artificial light? Yup.

Is it caused by antibiotics? Why not?

Is it caused by smartphones? Of course it is.

Is it caused by refined grains? Probably.

Is it caused by vaccines? No.

Is it caused by desk jobs? Definitely.

Is it caused by stress? Absolutely.

Is it caused by being rich? It always has been.

Is it caused by television? Totally.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea.  So, why is this good news?  Because now we can stop with the magic bullets and fix the problem.  Cutting out any one of those things will do nothing.  Here’s what you need to do: First, keep in mind that I am not a doctor, nutritionist, chemist, biologist, or any other kind of expert.  Then, sleep when you’re tired and don’t sleep when you’re not tired.  Eat when you’re hungry and don’t eat when you’re not hungry.  Eat as wide a variety of foods as your pallet will tolerate.  Be active.  Go outside.  That should about cover it.  Happy New Year.

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Cinnamon

“Well, what have we here? We weren’t expecting you for quite some time. What happened?”

“‘Scuse me?”

“We thought we had another 20-25 years before you got here,” the gate attendant replied.

Jack looked around at the fluffy ground and giant golden gate in front of him.  “Am I dead?” he asked.

“Yup.”

“Wow.  How’d that happen?”

“That’s what I’ve been asking you.”

“You mean you don’t know?”

“Of course not,” the attendant replied.  “Free will and all that.  I had you on December 27th, 2035.  I’m Pedro, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jack mumbled.  He was thinking.  “You know what?  I think Cinnamon killed me.”

“That might be a first.  What do you mean?”

“Well,” Jack responded.  “Wait.  What do you mean you ‘had’ me in 2035?”

Pedro blushed a little and said, “We’re not really proud of this, but there’s quite a bit of wagering on earthly matters up here.”

“Huh.  Well, anyway, I was reading this thing about ‘Wonder Foods’ or something like that.  And they said everyone should eat a lot more cinnamon.  It’s great for you and an anti-inflammatory and cures diabetes and blindness and stuff.  So, I figured I’d give it a shot and I started eating more cinnamon at every meal.  I’d have coffee cake or donuts or cinnamon buns or french toast at almost every meal.”

“Now, that’s just plain stupid.”

“I know, but it sure was delicious.”